One of the things that my dad always taught me was that tears and laughter are emotionally so close you can go from one to the other in a matter of seconds. I had that happen with some close friends on Friday. This disease is horrible, but close friends can make your day, even during this hard time. During our time together we laughed about secret sisters, families, church, and how as we get older our minds tend to betray us at times and the words that come out of our mouths betray us. I'll never forget the day my mom was at my sister's, and as the cat was coming down the stairs she said, "My, how your elephant has grown." We laughed so hard we had tears running down our checks. Laughter turned into tears on Friday, but they were happy tears, and for me now, my friends are really important, including those in Michigan. I have a friend with whom we raised our children, and we would be laughing one minute and then the laughter turned into tears. She and I could read each others eyes.
These last 11 months have been a roller coaster of laughter and tears. When I wake up in the night the tears come and I ask, "How can this be happening?" When Doug and I lay on our bed at night we talk about how great it would if, in the morning, we woke up and it was all a dream. The tears come again. But when we wake up and find out the dog moved Doug's coat onto a chair and then promptly jumped up to sleep there for the night, (Doug was "thrilled" as you can imagine) laughter abounds. Laughter and tears are so close, sometimes you can be laughing and crying at the same time. My family, good friends, and Hospice nurses taking care of me know me well enough they can tell the difference in my eyes when laughter or tears are coming. And I am thankful that they also know how to respond to me by looking in my eyes.
Friendship these last 11 months has been vital to my living. Family also plays a big part in that. So next time you see me at church, you don't need to say anything if you have no words. Just look me in the eyes and you may be able to see how I feel.
Dawn
4 comments:
Hello Mrs. Van Essen.
I tried writing twice before, and even now I'm at a loss for words. It's difficult to know what to say in a situation that I'm entirely outside of. I think most want to offer something encouraging or helpful, but much of what I or we could offer seems cliche. I hate cliche. If I were in your place it would grow tiresome very quickly.
I think I will simply say thank you. I'm fairly certain I have not seen you or pastor Van Essen since I graduated high school. That's regrettable as your home was a source of many wonderful high school memories. Warm, welcoming, and always bustling with people, it was constantly open to students and friends. You were a big part of that. Whether finding you in the kitchen or study hall, you were always beaming. Thank you for that hospitality, and for your family. The Van Essen clan is truly and wonderfully rare. This is a joyful legacy that you can be proud of.
Mine and my family's thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Sincerely,
Chris Adema
Dear Dawn,
I am so impressed with all the wonderful writing you have done. It is so from the heart and we are all getting to know you even a little better. God is so real in you and I Praise the Lord for that. I admire all your faith, and courage in what you are going through. It is a life changing experience just to read your blog.
I really appreciate Doug;s update too because now that I am home and you cannot talk, the information I get is sometimes minimal.
I am so thankful for your many caregivers. To mention a few, Doug, Jill, Gina, Bette,The other kids when they get home,nurses,and other friends.
You are a wonderful daughter and I thank God for you. You have brought much joy to our lives and many others.
I love you and pray for you constantly. Your Mom
Dear Dawn--
You are so brave. I pray for you many, many times each day and night. Thank you for sharing your thoughts; I'm just beginning my journey as a Grandma and I consider your words to your grandsons to be wise advice. I wish there was something I could do for you or your children, grandchildren, or Doug. And then I think--if I don't like feeling helpless in not being able to help. . .think how Dawn must feel.
Love and prayers, Mary
I've been thinking of you all and stopping by.
love and prayers,
becky
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