Today as we are together there are thoughts going all over the place. Julie, Joel, Tyler, Eli and Isaac are not here yet as Joel leaves on a mission trip tomorrow. Julie will then start out with the three boys to come from Michigan. Tomorrow night we will all be together (except for Joel) and we thank God for that time. Last year we never gave thought that anything could be different in a year.
This morning all were up and visiting while I laid in bed with a feeding tube, praying that I could at least get some some jello down when we ate. Getting dressed this morning I had an experience that I hope none of you have to ever go through. Anyone who knows something about ALS knows that as the disease progresses there is a lot of phlegm that builds up in your throat and you can choke. Well guess what happened? Yes, I started choking with no one in the room and no cell phone near me. Jill came in and ran to get the suction unit, but it still would not come out. Breathing was getting difficult and I finally got water to take it down. By this time Jill and I were in tears, Doug came in and just held me close with tears in his eyes.
What a scare and a look into the future of what will continue with this horrible disease!
Then dinner was ready, but I was in no shape to go and sit at the table. However, I sucked it up, put on a smile and came out to sit at the table. We pureed 3 different types of food but I could not swallow a thing. I sat getting more and more frustrated trying not to cry or let anyone but Doug and Jill see me. That was silly because who would not see napkins flying across the table along with a spoon and a couple of bowls. Then I remembered that Christmas was about a baby boy being born who would grow up to be our Savior, and I sat complaining about food. I had to stop and look in my heart realizing that ALS can take my life, but it will not get my faith. Neither will it take the enjoyment of my family or how and where God will use me.
Dawn
1 comment:
dear Dawn,
I have been here for almost 3 weeks now and watched how courageous you have been through all this time. God has given you extra strength. You were always such an active person and such a caring mother and I really admired you. I have such good memories of the summers when you and Doug and all 6 kids came to CA. for a few weeks. Dad and I enjoyed every minute of it. That was a way for us to get to know all your children in a very special way. We always had one big day in which we went to Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm or some other big outing. Then the rest of the CA kids and their family's came too. We always packed a lunch and ate one meal in the parking lot. What fun.I could go on and on with memories but this will do for now. I love you very much and all this breaks my heart. Your Mom
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