Hospice Respite

It is Sunday, March 8, 4:29 pm. Dawn and I have both enjoyed a nap (Dawn's still laying down). We both crashed after arriving here at the Anderson Hospice Center in Madison. We are here for 5 days enjoying (perhaps not a word Dawn would use) a break from the routine at home, and enjoying others caring for us for a few days. However, it is accomplishing one purpose -- allowing me time for things other than caregiving at home. I'm actually sitting and writing this blog.
The last few weeks have been busy and full of friends and family. On January 29-31 I was in Grand Rapids, MI attending the Worship Symposium at Calvin College. While I was there Jeremy, Jodi and Declan were with Dawn and Jill in Madison along with Cyndi Schuler a long-time friend of the family.
Two weeks later, February 13-15, Bill and Marilyn Stroo (long time friends) came for the weekend along with Jacque, Jen and, most importantly, 'Quinters' the #5 (in sequence) grandson.
On February 20-22 Joel, Julie and the boys (Tyler, Eli and Issac) spent a few days with us, and Jacob found time to break away from his studies in Minneapolis to join in some time with the boys.
March 3-8 found Jacque stepping in helping out as Jill flew to Durham for some reuniting with classmates and friends. On Thursday (5th) Jodi, Jeremy and Declan came down, and once again we found ourselves reveling in the joys of grandparenting and experiencing real care from the kids! Becky Twing (Jodi's best friend from High School - Jodi and she could never truly be trusted when they were together) came along for a quick two-day visit.
This afternoon we find ourselves 'alone'. But we look forward to enjoying the whole clan next week-end as all the kids and grandkids are planning to come to Madison.
What I find truly interesting (something I have not even told the kids yet) is the transformation that has taken place in the kids. This past Christmas we had a 'family talk'. We talked about the changes that we anticipated Dawn experiencing as this disease continued its deadly progress. Jill shared some of her experiences with Dawn as she had begun caring for her mom a few days prior to this. She was looking ahead at giving herself full time in this way, and she shared some of what she had discovered.
As we talked it was clear that the discussion was becoming a little uncomfortable as reservations were expressed regarding each one's ability to be able to step in and do what needed to be done so that Mom could continue to live at home, and Jill and I experience occasional respite and breaks from the round-the-clock care that has become necessary.
What I find interesting is this: as each of the kids has been home for weekends and times of helping, each has stepped in quite easily, and each has done wonderfully in caring for their mother! I find little evidence of the inability fearfully expressed at Christmas, nor the fear of not being able to do what needs to be done. Each has found the ability to perform the necessary tasks even when they are the unexpected and/or more than that for which they bargained. They have found that the love they have for their mother has stretched them and enabled them to do what they did not expect to be able. Their mother's teaching and nurturing has proven effective!
Finally, before I quit this, we all have experienced some troubling changes in these last couple of months. Dawn's ability to move her feet (shuffle them) as we move her from chair to bed, for instance, has become noticeably ineffective. This has created more than a couple instances of 'dropping' her (not truly a drop, but rather, as Dawn puts it, a 'slow descent to the floor').
And, as always, despite these unwanted and unasked for changes Dawn continues to enjoy the times with friends and family, sharing laughter and tears, hopes and disappointments.
Thank you to all who remember her (and us) in your thoughts and prayers, through cards and e-mails, via text and blog posts! Your love and support helps us more than you can know!

Doug